Love is the best and most difficult thing there is in life. At least, that’s my opinion. Relationships are so hard but at the same time so amazingly good. Mother and daughter, father and son, best friends, girlfriends, boyfriends. There are so many kinds of relationship and it seems they all have a different guide. Though no one exactly knows how it works. Only that love is what makes you the happiest person in the world.
This morning I read Sandra’s blog and found out she and her boyfriend broke up. I don’t know why, as I’ve never met her or something but it really hit me. For me, they seemed like the perfect couple but a blog always seems to be more perfect then reality I guess. A few weeks ago I read a similar story on Tieka’s blog, that she and her husband decided to go separate ways. These decisions are the hardest to make in life and it hurts so much that it feels like you can’t breath anymore. It is such a strange feeling when a beloved one is not part of your life anymore, it feels like you loose a part of your body.
These two ladies decided to tell their story on their blog, something I really admire. I don’t have that much followers, not by far, but I couldn’t tell you when my boyfriend and I decided to split up two months ago. It’s a strange feeling that when you put such a fact in the world, on the internet, it becomes reality. When you have so much followers as Sandra and Tieka and blogging becomes such a big part of your life it is a normal thing to share daily things in life. Though writing a post about breaking up seems to me like the most difficult thing to do.
As my friend Linda and I broke up with our boyfriends on the same day (no, we did not planned it) we had quite a difficult time together. She decided to go away and now works here in Turkey and I’m living the men-less life in Amsterdam that I really need right now. The phrase ‘you have to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else’ really makes sense to me since the break up. So that’s what I’m trying to do now, and visiting Linda in Turkey is one of the best things I did in a long time. Being with your friends and people who love you really makes life easier. Still though, I think Sandra, Tieka, Linda and I can all agree with the fact that 2012 is not a good year for love.
Six months ago, I’d send a disposable camera to him. On each picture a reason why I wanted to be with him. It took a week to develop because he had a lot of tests that week. Everyday I was dying a little, so nervous! Now, half a year later, I got a little present. The cutest camera ever, with an empty film roll. Now I can make as many pictures of us together as I want. Also a super good looking camera case and a little dino which was in the box for no reason but he is welcome in the family as well!
And I talked, and talked, and talked, and talked but all I wanted to say is how much I love you.
We sit in my new apartment, where i haven’t even moved my stuff to yet, and just finished a nice game of ‘who are you?’. We open the champagne too early and stand on the balcony. Ten… nine… eight… it’s almost time. Three.. two.. one! Everyone is kissing each other and I find my way to my boyfriend, who I kiss and wish the best 2010. A new year has begun. A new place to live. I thought this year was going to be amazing.
In January, i was really busy with moving my stuff to my new place and ending my minor. My boyfriend was doing his internship and we were most of the time extremely tired when we met. But at the end of January, it was all over. I finished my minor and one week later, he ended his internship. Things would be better now, i thought. After his last day at work, he came to my place and i saved some dinner for him. He was tired and took a bath. That night, he told me that he wanted to break up. I cried for hours. My roommate came to calm me down and let me sleep in her bed. I thought i could never fall in love again. For days i sat on the couch with my mom and friends, watching sex and the city and drinking tea, thinking the pain would never pass. I lost almost 5 kilo’s that week.
As the weeks passed by, so did my tears. During that time, i started to work on my thesis, which i had to do alone. I had no obligation to go to school and was at home very often. Sometimes we went out and I kissed a random guy, which was kind of strange. My roommate suggested we should do something new, something to take our mind of things. So we did. We started to sport. Zumba, fitness and at the end, we became member of a rowing club. It was nice to think about other things than boys and love.
In the beginning of May, i met a cute guy who gives me soft kisses and makes me smile. We see each other almost five times a week and i enjoy all the moments. He makes my days a little brighter the next two months. He made me believe in love again. Summer arrives. We went separate ways and I ended up in Spain with my best friends. We lay on the beach, surf and dance a lot. We drink too much wodka lime and kiss Australian and Belgium guys.
Now i’m back in Amsterdam, packing my stuff to move anywhere else, place still unknown. At the first of august, i have to leave my room. Amazing moments have happened there but also the worst. In some strange way, i’m glad to leave. The whole break up still breathes in that apartment. Never ever have i taken a bath in that bathroom. Next week, my best friend comes back from Berlin and we will go on the train and explore Scandinavia together for three weeks. Can’t wait for another adventure to come.